My eleven-year-old relationship was not always this cozy. There was a time when we were doing long-distance (three years, if I must be exact). And if there was one thing that I did not search for online, which I should have, it was how to build emotional intimacy during those times.
We tried a lot of things— succeeded at few, failed at few. But we kept trying.
What neither of us knew or realized at that time was that we were already trying to build an emotional connection that would make us grow stronger together despite the distance.
Hi, if you are getting a deja vu or are able to relate to the situation, I have the perfect solution for you. In this article, I will be telling you how to build intimacy on an emotional level, how to stay stronger together, and how to fall in love every single day despite the distance.
Psst… I am no relationship counselor, but I am speaking out of the experience!
What is Emotional Intimacy: The Invisible Effort Which Makes a Difference?
It might sound like an alien concept to a few, but emotional intimacy is one of the most crucial things that you and your partner should have in a relationship.
To give you a little context, there are five main types of intimacy: emotional, physical, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual. These are all different kinds of connections that relationships should have to make love grow and last.
Among these, emotional intimacy is something that often goes unnoticed.
We all want to feel close to the person we are together and in love with. We want to feel heard, respected, understood, listened to. This is something that does not come easily. It requires a certain level of emotional connection and intimacy that takes time and effort consistently.
Once you have built a strong emotional intimacy with your partner, you will realize that physical attraction doesn’t matter much. What truly matters is the feeling of being in love with the person you can call your friend, whom you can trust and be vulnerable with.
Yes, you might have fights. But you will always come out stronger because you know you are fighting with someone who loves and cares for you deeply.
Furthermore, what emotional intimacy means for a man might be different from that of a woman. Hence, at the end of the day, it is all about the game of balance. Your 50 and your partner’s 50 will make a 100.
Most people depend on spending time together, going on dates, and showing physical affection and affirmation to build their emotional intimacy. However, what happens if you are far away? Does distance make love fade?
Distance and Emotional Intimacy: An Impossible Combination or a Hopeful Dream?
When we use the word “intimacy,” people often associate it with sex. However, even though physical intimacy, different from emotional intimacy, involves sex, the entire idea of intimacy is much more varied.
It is something that is created when two people in a romantic and committed relationship have a connection and bond so strong that distance doesn’t matter.
While physical intimacy involves sex, touching, cuddling, kissing, and other physical affection, emotional intimacy is about the feeling of being close to your partner. Both are important, but they are different.
When you are in a long-distance relationship, meeting your partner and being with them physically is not an option. This is only possible when they visit one another. The lack of it can lead to a lot of fights, arguments, heated conversations, frustration, and all the negative things.
You might feel like there is no love left anymore, that they are not making time for you, and that the two of you have grown apart. It happened to us. And that is when we realized that we need to build our emotional intimacy.
Studies have found that couples who are in a long-distance relationship often engage more than couples who are in the same geographic location. Since they cannot meet every day except through boring rectangular digital screens, they share everything. In detail. Every. Single. Day.
“The long-distance couples try harder than geographically close couples in communicating affection and intimacy, and their efforts do pay back,” says Crystal Jiang.
You might think that long-distance relationships can be problematic, involving negative emotions like jealousy, insecurity, and relationship anxiety or stress. However, that is not a problem with long-distance as couples share every detail.
How to Build Emotional Intimacy in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Issues in a long-distance relationship are like shadows on a wall. What appears like a banyan tree is just a teeny tiny twig in reality.
In the first three months of our long-distance relationship, my partner and I faced issues dealing with distance. I still remember a fight that we had based on something that does not even make sense now. It was so insignificant.
But you get the gist of it.
We decided to make it work. We decided not to let the distance get the better of us.
He did not know how to cook, and I LOVE cooking. So, we decided to FaceTime each other. I would instruct him, and he would make the meal. Oh, we would also send gifts to each other without or without any special occasion.
We would have virtual date nights every Friday. After our classes were over, we would set a time and religiously follow it.
We would order food from outside, wear something nice, and get ready (I would put on my lipstick, and he would trim his beard). Then, we would get on the call talking about how the day went and eating together. Afterwards, we would go online on Discord and watch a movie together before saying goodnight!
But what worked for me might not work for you. So, how can you build emotional intimacy in that case? Let me tell you what our relationship counselor suggested:
1. Effective Communication is Key
Regular and open communication is essential. Use video calls, texts, and voice messages to share your daily experiences, thoughts, and feelings. This helps create a sense of presence and understanding between you and your partner.
Also, you need to know that it’s not about how often you talk but how meaningful your conversations are. Instead of quick chats, try having deeper, more thoughtful conversations. Share your feelings, dreams, and fears.
2. Emotional Support
Offering emotional support can take your relationship to the next level, I swear to God. Offering and seeking emotional support is crucial. Be a good listener and empathize with your partner’s feelings and experiences.
You can also try to set milestones together and celebrate each time you achieve one! This not only makes the two of you happy but also reminds you of the reason why you decided to be together in the first place! This mutual support strengthens your emotional connection.
3. Shared Activities
Even though you’re apart, you can still experience things together. Engage in activities together, even from a distance.
Watch movies simultaneously, play online games, or read the same book. You might also try to listen to the same music or play online games at the same time.
These shared experiences create common memories and enhance your bond. They do a great job of bringing you and your partner closer (more than you think!)
4. Plan Visits
It is true that not being able to stay physically close can be exhausting. While it is okay to stay connected through texts and phone calls, you might really crave that physical affection, the scent of one another, the holding of hands.
This is why you should plan on visiting each other. Make it a priority, even if they’re infrequent. Whenever possible, plan visits to spend quality time together.
These visits provide physical closeness and help maintain the relationship’s intimacy. Spending time together in person is essential for strengthening your emotional bond.
5. Trust, Honesty and Understanding
Long-distance relationships can be challenging. This is why building trust is vital in a long-distance relationship.
Be honest about your feelings and concerns and address any jealousy or trust issues through open conversations. It’s important to be patient and understanding with each other. Remember, you’re both doing your best to make it work.
6. Solve Your Issues by Yourself
I cannot stress this enough. Addressing the issues both of you (or even one partner) are facing is so very important.
I remember that my partner and I had decided to ensure we did not go to bed angry. No matter how big or small our arguments would be, we would solace it that very night before going to bed. We would not drag it to the next morning. And this really helped!
Also, it is extremely crucial not to include a third person in the fight. If it is your problem, you solve it yourself.
It is YOUR relationship, not anyone else’s. What X might do in their relationship might differ from what Y might do. After all, every relationship is different, and so are the dynamics.
7. Daily Dose of Affirmation
Okay, this is so basic we MUST talk about it! It does not matter whether you have been together for six months or 60 years; you need to let your partner know that you love them and that they matter. You cannot take them for granted.
It can be a simple “Good morning, beautiful! I love you so much” text. Or it can be something like, “You know, I really appreciate what you did last day during x, y, z times.”
I know sometimes it can get difficult to express how much you cherish them, especially if you have been together for a while. But letting your partner know what you like about them and what you are grateful for will have a lasting impact on your relationship.
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